If forgiving hurts- you’re not alone

One of the hardest things I have had to learn is forgiveness. I think that’s why God knew He had to show us how to forgive.

To put it lightly- forgiveness is difficult.

But why? From my own experience I have a pretty good idea….

-Because when you are hurt you don’t deserve what happened to you, and you take it personally.

-Because you have an expectation for an apology.

-Because what that person did is unforgivable.

-Because it isn’t easy to let go or forget.

-Because we feel offended.

-Because of our own stubbornness and pride.

-Because of resentment.

-Because it’s easier to be mad.

-Because it’s not my fault.

-Because it still hurts.

I’ll admit those thoughts have crossed my mind. I use to think forgiveness was an easy thing. I saw how Jesus was the ultimate example, and I was thankful for that. But when it came to forgiveness, all I knew about was the small stuff. I knew how to forgive someone when it wasn’t a big deal. But when it comes to forgiving someone who really hurt me I realized it’s quite possibly one of my biggest struggles.

But I do know that forgiveness is the answer. Forgiveness is the solution for a relationship with God. They say sin is what separates us from God, so if we don’t forgive we are just making a greater distance between ourselves and God. Forgiveness was not just something that God gave me, but He gives to every person who hurts me. I know God loves me lots, but it’s selfish to think that I am more important than someone else and that God loves me more, and because they hurt me, He loves them less. That’s ridiculous.

I certainly don’t have the whole forgiveness down. I wish I did, and I wish I had one of those wonderful stories that impacts others to forgive, but I don’t,  but here is what I have learned about forgiveness:

-Forgiveness doesn’t make everything right. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to pretend that nothing ever happened, but it means that every person has a right to another chance. I like how Anne Lamott puts it-”Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having a better past.” But it sure makes the future more peaceful.

-We cannot forgive like God forgives. But we can try. He is our ultimate example.

-How we forgive is a revelation of how God forgives. When we show forgiveness, we show that we know the power of forgiveness, grace, and mercy that God extends to us. And vice versa. When we don’t show forgiveness, we show the lack of faith we have in the power of God’s forgiveness.

-The ability to forgive shows our relationship with God. It shows humility and that we deserve condemnation just as much as the next person. It’s easy to believe in the fact that you sin, but secretly think that God had an easier time forgiving you compared to many other people. God’s forgiveness covers all of our sins, no matter how many or how big.

-Underestimating forgiveness is often the result of under-estimating our brokenness.

I hope that someday I can speak with wisdom and experience the beauty of forgiveness like God teaches, but I will be honest, I don’t have it down. But I am a work in progress, and I will keep striving to be more like Jesus and forgive like He forgives.

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