Good old Bulletin Announcements

I received an email yesterday from the lead pastor at my church. Since it was my day off, I figured I would look at it when I went into work. It was titled: ‘Bulletin Announcements I would like to see just once.’ I usually get a weekly email of the bulletin announcements so I took this completely serious… at first. Now you get a glimpse of my life at FRC ….

 

Bulletin Announcements I Would Like to See Just Once

Please join us for the Church Potluck immediately following our worship service.  We ask everyone to bring a casserole that is difficult to define.

Last names beginning with A-M- Please bring a salad.

         A-D- A lettuce salad

         E-H- A spinach salad

         I-M- a jello salad

                  I-J- A clear jello salad

                  K-M- A jello embedded with fruits

Last names beginning with N-Z- Please bring a dessert.

         N-P- A Pie

         Q-S- A cake

         T-V- Bars at least one inch thick

         W-Z- Something chocolate

Those with fewer than five(5) letter in their first name bring whipped cream.

Those with more than five(5) letters bring relish.

People over 5’11”, bring pretzels.

People under 5’11”, bring marshmallows

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Deacons will receive four offerings this morning:  Ministry Offering, Mission Offering, Love Offering, Building Offering

Next week the Deacon will revive four offerings again:  Non-Ministry Offering, An Offering Just For Us, The Mild Distaste Offering, An Offering for New Soap Dispensers.

Men’s Bible Study will study, “Jacob, Leadership Principles for Life.”

Women’s Bible Study will study, “Ruth, How to Lead Without Appearing to Lead.”

Financial Accountability Class Topic- “Maximizing Deductions – Giving Without Feeling It.”

Staff  Retreat Topic- “Good Desk Posture in a World of Tilted Chairs.”

Youth Group Topic- “Watching our Parents Age- Why Their Ears Grow.”

Save the Date- Our film series and seminar on time accountability will begin in April 31.

Mission trip:  Our annual Mission trip and Surf Ministry to Cancun is scheduled in January so that martyrdom is just easier.

Greeters:  Left Handed greeters please greet at the back door.  Right handed greeters please greet at the front door.  Ambidextrous greeters- just stand in the middle aisle.

The Church Cookbook, “Incarnational Cooking” will be published soon.   Don’t miss special sections on:

1.  10 Appetizers Using Unleavened Bread.
2. Holy Cow- A Beef Buffet
3. Tuna- The Ecumenical White Meat
4. Unusual Jello Recipes
5. Biblical Nutbreads

New Office Hours:

Monday: 9-11:47

Tuesday: 1-2:16

Wednesday:  11-3:01

Thursday: 10-1:07

Friday:  Are you serious?