The ‘D’ Word
October 18, 2011
There is one thing my parents taught me well- you don’t throw around the D word- ‘Divorce.’
This was not a word you ever heard in our household, but in the last year I realized that this isn’t the norm. I have a number of married friends who throw around the Divorce word for humor or because they think it makes a bigger impact in an argument or difficulty.
I feel like commitment is an old fashioned concept. Thank goodness I’m old fashion.
Mexico City is known for its high divorce rates. Like many people, they want an easy solution to divorce. So the goverment’s idea was to make legal contracts for married couples- more like apartment leases in which the couple agrees to be together for 2 years and then they are free to part ways, no strings attached. I think this is just encouraging people’s lack of commitment.
Maybe that’s because I believe in commitment. I believe that marriage can last a life-time. I believe that a couple can make it through the good and the really hard parts of marriage and celebrate that. I believe that a man and woman can be me monogomous. But society is falling farther away from this concept. And that ‘D’ word is replacing wedding anniversaries.
I would like to see more people who use commitment to overcome the obstacle of divorce. Just yesterday a friend of mine was talking about her difficulties with her husband. She and her husband have been married for over 35 years and have made it through an affair together. This is the husband that she says can drive her crazy but I know she still loves to death. My friend’s husband is going through a time of depression and loss right now. Her solution to this problem is to threaten to leave him. When I heard her idea, I was speechless. I honestly was surprised those words came out of her mouth. She said she told her husband if he didn’t get out of his funk soon, she was going to leave him. And she said that sometimes you have to shake the other person up a little for marriage to work.
Is that really how marriage and relationships should work? I can not speak from experience since I am not married. But if I were, I would like to know that my husband was looking out for my best interest and when things got hard or I was being difficult- he wouldn’t simply try to shake me up with serious threats of leaving me. And vise versa.
I wonder if our society would change if we chose commitment over divorce. And what would happen in marriages if a couple never used that ‘D’ word? I think there would be a greater sense of encouragement and unity even in the hard times of marriage. I know I really can’t speak on the topic, but if I do get married, I know there is one thing my parents taught me that I will bring with me- you aren’t allowed to use the ‘D’ word.
My aunt and uncle have survived an affair in their early years of marriage. They just celebrated 26 years this past September. I, being the curious person I am, asked “How do you do it?”
My aunt replied, “We don’t allow divorce as an option to solve problems”
I pondered that while she explained to me that growing up, her parents never once used the word “divorce” and it set the example for her own marriage. She told me that by using the “d” word, even just once as a way to win an argument or to ignore a problem, sets a precedent that perhaps one day, divorce WOULD be an option. Essentially, by using the “d” word, even just once in the course of a marriage opens the door to allowing it become a reality.
It’s scary how easy it is for people to simply “fall out of love” or whatever the excuse is. God loves us even while we’re sinners… shouldn’t we extend the same courtesy to our [future] spouses?